Hide and Seek

I'm pressed against a eucalyptus tree.
As I wait, my fingers tap anxiously
Yet delicately on the smooth, gray bark;
A shiver devastates my dignity.
I want to be found, but at the right time.
I shake with excitement. I close my eyes
To hush my spirit. My ears perk up as
The dried leaves break underneath your footsteps.
I slink into the red and brown, as you
Whisper, "I've found you." I open my eyes
To the ground and see your hand. But before
I can respond, we hear a whistle in
The distance; your mother's call. Finally,
I see your face and your smile replaced
The moon. You back up quickly while staring
Right through me. I am frozen. Once again,
Saving my emotions for another
Day. You turn away and run down the street.
I look up; the sky is crisp, and a chill
Breeze blows across my cheek. Winter is here.

Experiment

Someone decided to share something very special, and with that I shared right back.


Backstory: While hearing the song for the first time, I had an urgency to write. I wrote whatever I felt and whatever crossed my mind during that time. It was surprising and random, but also very relieving and therapeutic. I changed the piece a little bit so it could be somewhat grammatically correct. Though it is still absolutely unorthodox, I decided to present it anyway. This is what I wrote in those five minutes.


I breathe in the memory and breathe out anticipation:
I can picture myself at the place promised in my younger days. It's night time and I am walking around in the biggest city in the world.... 
A promise was made. A spirit was left behind. I'm cold, but its okay.
I look up to the sky; there are no stars, but I can feel them. 
I can feel them. 
I can feel them.
Cheeks red, hands steady in the dark. The heart beat, unrecognizable.
Of all the promises I have been told or I have said, I hope that this one succeeds... It can't be helped. You can't do that to a girl without consequence. 
I will return again. 
I will return again. 


Again.

I shall call you Ox; and I, Rabbit. For it is because you believe in it. 
A promise: an unrequited memory.
Kiss the stars with me.


Again - none of it could make sense to a stranger's eyes, but this is what came out.


http://www.last.fm/music/The+American+Dollar/_/Rudiments+of+A+Spiritual+Life
This is the song that brought these words. 

If miracles do occur, I want to show you now

He is the hardest to talk about, write about, and think about; but I do it all the time.



I had a dream last night.

My mild yellow hair bounced in the wind, my hand barely fit the palm of his hand. He held a light blue kite in his other. I could see white clouds grazing in the sky behind his head. I gazed at his face and saw soft eyes and a welcoming smile. The sun was out but somehow it wasn't the source of warmth I felt.

If I remember correctly, I think I was smiling back and using my right hand to tug at his khaki pants. My pink dress danced over my boney legs. My white shoes nestled in the green grass on our favorite hill. And all I could hear was the wind. He never said a word, but his love entered me with safe landing. I remember thinking this was my favorite day life had shared with me.

I woke up miserable.

Such a happy moment with him, but another he never got to share with me.

What I am trying to say is that I need us now more than ever. Looking back he did nothing wrong.

He can't go anywhere until I tell him how I feel. I'm sinking below the ground now. It's hollow - the memories of him and me.

June still burns a hole in my heart.

Now speaking directly:

I wonder if you will ever let your guard down; the barrier I built myself. I crafted your walls with bricks of cold steel without knowing possible permanence. I want you to know that I want to rip down your walls if it takes the rest of my life. But I'm afraid. Which foot should I move forward first?

Give me a sign. Take my hand one day so I can give you my heart. I am burning up.

Not even the biggest storm can wash away the memories of hurting you. I don't want them to go away. Can you see it by the way I move? I am becoming a women now and I don't want you to miss a single part of it. I don't want to miss any part of you either.

Brace yourself, I'm coming towards you. I'm going to tear up the fifteen years of loss and pain. Will you let me come back to you?

I think I will finally be able to move forward once I see inside your heart and know that you have forgiven me.