A Few Things Learned From the Little Sister

Jealousy


You swore three hours ago you were the center of all attention. Now the slimy, tiny, whiny, shiny, baby is born and your position of top priority is dead. Three years old and a fire starts in your heart. You feel angry but you don’t know why. You feel scared and you can’t figure out why that is. You go to bed that night not well. You wake up refreshed. You run down the stairs to eat breakfast, but to your surprise, there is no apple sauce on the table (in which there always is). You run into your parent’s room and see that “thing” in your mother’s arms. You call out, “Mommy, I am hungry”, and she doesn’t even look up as she answers. “You’re a big girl now, you can get it yourself.” You get that twisting feeling in your upper stomach. And in that instant, as a young child, you realize that this will be your life now. A powerful emotion learned from a young age.

The “I hate you!”

Out of the blue, she can become a demon because your father let you decide what to have for dinner when you promised you would let her pick this time since she let you watch your favorite show over hers last night. You ignore her reasoning and the lovely “I hate you!” happens. A smirk slides across your face because you know tomorrow she will be over it.

A Few Rules

You can use the remote in the allotted time.

She has to ask to touch any of your things.

You cannot cross the invisible line in the bedroom.

If you do something for her then you get something in return.

Friendship

At times you forget she is your little sister because you get along so well. You can laugh with her over the dinner table about what happened at school during 4th period, you can crank call “evil” boys in the middle of the night, and you can tell her your most confident secret. Also, you can go shopping with her, give her your opinion, and cry in front of her.

Connection

You are connected to her by DNA and memories and cellular text messages.

Odd Things About Her

She copies you for the first ten years of her life, and you try and fight her on it every step of the way. For the rest of her life she will be almost the complete opposite of what you are and what you do and you are confused by it.

She can tattle on you for things she does as well.

No matter how old she gets, she is called “my little princess” by your father.

She is the only person in the family with huge eyes.

She gets away with almost anything.

Self Awareness

Before she was born, you hardly noticed yourself as a person. You did not think of your name because there was no need. There was no one else but Mom, Dad, and Baby Girl. You find out about your name at the same second your little sister is born. You become a big sister at that same moment as well. You take a look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself for the very first time; you say your name out loud.

Expectations

You have to protect her. She provides your confidence, strength, and loyalty.

Sharing

This is mine. This is mine. This is mine too.

You can share a room and family with relaxed difficulty at times, but you can have a full blown war when: boys, toys, phrases, bathroom products, pets, space, food and all the little trivial things are involved.

Teamwork

Sometimes two girls are better than one.

When Father is wavering on a certain subject, it is always better to have two daughters clawing at his arms and legs. It is agreeable to have a duet of whining and/or persuasion than a solo in this situation.

Double dates are fun when with the sister because the inside jokes come out the strongest during these times - invisible judgment and teasing go hand in hand too.

When either you or her are grounded, you sneak food, snacks, games, and drinks into your room so you can have easier punishment time: A benefit to sharing a room.

Shadows

You notice you need to choose which shadow to use on your little sister. It is a tough decision because you have to choose between the gentle and reassuring shadow or the overpowering and selfish shadow that takes away all her shine. You ask yourself at a certain point in your life if you can deal with your little sister living in either shadow. Answers may vary.

Limitations

You learn that you do not have a say in what she does at a certain point in both of your lives. You can tell her what is right and wrong but she will decline your advice. She may even call you an idiot and regurgitate all the wrongs you have committed.

You cannot keep an eye on her when you move out to go to college.

The man in her life will be the new guidance for her – usually always bad.

Reliance

Your sister has not talked to you in nine and a half months, you get a frantic call from her on a late Thursday night, and she wants to come over because she needs to sort out her feelings about her boyfriend. You present yourself as a compassionate and active listener. She spends the night and you make her French toast in the morning. She leaves your place with a smile.

Experience

Having a distinct difference in birthdays creates that wonderful feeling called experience. You love knowing that you know better. You love knowing that you know more than her. This “experience” births confidence. This makes you feel mature.

Responsibility

You are to be the best big sister you can be.

Miura Haruma

  

I'm wrapped up in your belt.

Crisp towards you--

I stare as long as I can...

Today, I am my own Antagonist.

It's a f**king waste, the teenage taste of me.

Today - Defeated.
Winter Quarter - Pathetic.
Indolent - Yes.
Embarrassed - Absolutely.
Mood - Manic.
Spoiled - Precisely.
Paranoid - Undoubtedly.
Jealous - Affirmative.
Wasted - Most assuredly.
Dreams - Short-sighted.
Good Grades - Seems implausable.
Tired - For no reason.
Motivation - Abstract.
Aspirations - On hold.
Performance - Feeble.
Emotions - Tender; overdramatic.
Soul - Naked.
Mind - Disoriented.
Goal - Thankfully unchanged.
How to get there - Bargaining.
Resolve - Researched soon.
Regain - January mindset.
Happy - Imaginable.
Family - Needed.

Bounce Back - As soon as possible.

Heart of the (K)night

2 am: We stood on a street corner while waiting for the signal to turn green. His hands were in his pockets and mine at my sides. To nervous to look at him directly, I strained my eyes to the left. I got a glimpse of his clenched jaw; his eyes staring straight ahead of him. His hair swayed towards me, and I slightly tilted my head back to take in his scent with the passing breeze. I gradually pulled my arms in front of me and put my hands together. I looked at the light. Still red.

Cold.

He started to rock back and forth on his heels. I saw he was growing anxious.

Silence.

The strain on my eyes had become too uncomfortable to continue, so I pretended to look both ways down the dark and narrow street: First to the right and then the left. He was looking up at the sky now. He parted his lips slowly and let out a peaceful sigh. His warm breath took the shape of a single, mystic cloud. Oh how I wished to breathe in that cloud, the lively fog that knows everything inside him. I watched it ascend into the night sky. I smiled and relaxed my gaze back onto him, just to find him staring at me with perplexed eyes.

Disorientation.

I bit my lip and looked down. And as I did, I saw the reflection of the red light turn green in a small puddle by the side walk. Out of pure embarrassment, I racked my brain to think of any general questions I could ask to shift the mood elsewhere. I turned towards him.

"Anata no shourai no yume wa nan desu ka?"

I was a step and a half into the street when his face changed from stoic and collected, to intense and panicked. He yelled out, "Abunai".

I became puzzled. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and leapt into the street. He grabbed the hood of my jacket and jerked me back onto the sidewalk. In my peripheral, I saw a silver flash. A drunkard on a bicycle blazed by without warning. My head slammed into his chest and his right arm wrapped around my shoulders.

"Daijoubu ka?" he asked worriedly.

"Hai, daijoubu," I said breathlessly.

I quickly removed myself from his grasp. I tried to play off the tense moment by laughing and inquiring about how happy I was to have my life spared so I could enjoy some tasty ramen across the way. I tugged at his beige sweater and threw up a peace sign. I bowed in his direction when I made it halfway across the street.

"Arigatoo gozaimasu."

I could see that he was trying to settle down, but his breathing was hurried and his hands were shaking. For his benefit, I ignored his actions and continued on. I made it to the entrance of the ramen shop. I leaned against the door way as he moved towards me. He was a freight train: strong, committed, powerful, and fast. His breath sailed away in the wind; passion stirred within me.

Be calm.

He re-birthed my conscious as he made his way to where I stood. He peered into my eyes. They were dark but pure. I tried to fight off a shiver that clawed up my spine. Finally, changing positions, he grabbed my hand and drew me into the movement of his will. Before I knew it, I was yanked into his life.

"Baka," he said sternly, under his breath, as we crossed the threshold of a new beginning...