All I Want is You

Dear Moon Tiger,

The words you whispered
separate like and love; please
don't let me forget.


A very special
bond, soaked in new feelings.
I will never dry.

Wrapped up in your belt,
I am crisp towards you. I stare
as long as I can.


I proudly claim my love for you. All I want is you.

"Are you someone who lives or dies for the one you love?"

         With malnourished emotions and an overdose on unsterile injections of distorted views in romantic love, I believed that when you finally met your prince charming, you would revolve your life around him, set aside your dreams to show dedication, live for the moment, and die for him in any circumstance. This view of Love spread through my veins like wild fire at the tender age of nine. 

         I desired this type of love and relationship with the opposite sex. Now twenty-two, I applied my above definition of love to whom I had a relationship with. The sad part about it was the relationship never came out the way it should have and I ended up with nothing. I was looking at a picture of my now unrequited love as I was on my way to the bottom of my soul and outer edges of depression, at a beach in Carlsbad, when a fisherman wearing a pink, feminine scarf crossed my broken path. 

        Long story short -  Tuesday, Oct 19th, the fisherman told his story about the significance of his scarf. It was his late wife's who had died at sea. He too, battled his way through it and decided to live. He became a fisherman and lived on. He asked me if I was someone who lives or dies for the one I love. I couldn't give him an answer. 

         For days I have been trying to think of which person I was. I contemplated many things. But I finally came to a decision. And since the past thirteen years of living love the way I had, has done nothing but give hopelessness and pain, I am finally ready to switch sides.

I most assuredly have my answer: I am someone who lives.

         I am alive. He is alive. I live for me; I live for him. Both of us will restart. Both of us will live. I have faith that we will meet again. I vow to come for him, if he waits for me.

Heartache in Autumn

Go together, all you precious winners;
take part in sharing elation and love.
I, an old rabbit, will mine my last nest,
and there my companion, that's never
to be found again, mourn till I am gone.

Spying: Email.

HI Sweet Cheeks,

I hope you are well. I am under the weather as of late, but there are a few things that are getting me through. For example I have created categories for you to better understand what I do to keep you with me in my mind and in my heart while we are so far away from each other.

Songs on repeat: Roll with it by Easton Corbin, 4 AM by Kaskade, Mine by Taylor Swift, The Space Between by DMB, Love Song by 311, I'll Hold my Breath by Ellie Goulding, and The Reason by Hoobastank.

Shows I watch with you in Mind: Adventure Time!, It's Always Sunny, ATHF, and UFC/MMA stuffs

I tend to say things that you or I would say to each other, out loud where ever I am... my family thinks I am crazy haha: "gooey, gooey, gooey", "gyuu", "pyuu, pyuu", "mao, mao", "meow mix", "nummys", "sniffies!", "jamming time" "I know this", "love, love, love", "Moooon Tiiiigerrrr", "where is my Papa Bear?".... etc.

I notice I am acting like you physically...: When I get overwhelmed, I raise my chin up and tremble my neck the way you do sometimes; I will sniff your clothes you left behind as if I were smelling you directly; In the privacy of my room, I "perch" on my own finger before I go to bed; When something good happens, I put my arm in a 90 degree angle and move it up and down like you do; I will stare in the bathroom mirror and try to make all the cute faces you would involuntarily do to me; I pet myself when I wake up in the morning, closing my eyes to pretend it's you who is petting me; I still jam the air as if you are there to receive the pokey pokes... etc.

Things I miss: I miss your scent, I really do. I miss how you would perch and you would pet me when you knew I needed it. I miss your lips and how they felt on mine. I miss the sound you made when you blew your nose. I miss your sexy, soothing voice that would serenade my cerebellum every time. I miss our cuddle time. I miss your hair. I miss your eyes, oh your eyes are so amazing. I miss your pre sneeze face. I miss your hands and hugs "fishies!". I miss your comedy. I miss our adventure time. I miss our fight for life. I miss your thoughts. I miss your love. I miss my nicknames you gave me. I miss your pom pom grabs. I miss your crazy boob touches in the car while I drive. I miss your feet. I miss your sweet sound of repose. I miss your smile. I miss your friendship. I miss your playfulness. I miss your singing voice. I miss your v cut. I miss you.

Besides that, I have an interview tomorrow at the dermatologist office and I start hosting at Islands next week. I am going to come up with one more job so I can get my money faster and come up to see you. I am on a strict diet now and I have a 24 hour gym pass. I miss you so much and I would do anything just to breathe your air again. I really hope you understand the depth in which my love for you stems from. I need to see you again. 

I hope that you still have feelings for me. I wonder if you miss me... I am so lonely. Please call when you have time.

How ever far away, I will always love you,

Poofy