Molly: Breathing Comes in Pairs, Except for Twice, One Begins and One's Goodbye.

         There are so many things I want to say into your eyes. I feel that I would get this message through to you easier that way, but this is the best I can do for now.

         In what combination of words would best support my feelings of sincerity towards our friendship in the beginning of our farewell? These words must be perfect, but of course they will not be. This letter will be blurry and uncomfortable, like the way my eyes are as I press my emotions against my keyboard.
         The thing is -- I can't even see. I don't know what to see. But I feel -- I feel all that you have ingrained in my being in the last two concentrated years. They are all with me as I write to you at this moment. And I can't place a finger, a word, an emotion, or a phrase on how you feel about me, and that's fine, but I hope through these words you can understand how I feel about you.
      
         I have had friends ever since I can remember, but you were the first to make me become a friend. Since we became friends, I have seen you smile like the sun, cry like an orphan, shout at the top of your lungs, and smirk like a weasel. I rode on your waves of happiness and climbed up your tree of sorrow. You showed me the way to friendship without even knowing it. And how could you? Because with our peaceful journeys and radical adventures, I kept a sarcastic and comedic vibe between us because I thought that's what you asked of me. But in reality, I nurture the times we shared together. At times I look in the mirror and reflect our friendship and as a result, I finally see myself as a friend. A friend -- something passed around through voice, song, or thoughts; whimsically, absentmindedly, over generously - but for me I can finally see its true identity in the shape of myself. This is all because of you.
         These days I sit and watch the fog climb up my window. I recall the first time I ever cried for you - in December. And during the first time I cried for you, I realized I could not help you.
         And in the land of dreams, I see your nightmares. But this of course is not all the time. Every once in a while I see you smile and hear your laughter but they are hollow and wavered. I know deep down it doesn't go further than the outskirts of your mind.
         And this is where I begin to wish: I wish to see your heaving core as if it is impossible for you to keep your heart in your chest cavity. I wish to see the tension around the curves of your lips as you fight to control your laughter. I wish to hear your smile again; the one that could be heard over the phone thousands of miles away. I wish to see the muscles of your neck strain as you toss your head back in ecstasy.
         This might ... no this will come as a surprise to you when I tell you my most vivid point of our friendship. It actually happened recently. It was in the mist of chaos - the party. I was looking for you among the crowd. I scanned the drunken bodies as I felt the room fuzz and the ground shake beneath my knees. People pushed me left and right. Drinks splashed into my hair; I was lost. Just as I was about to give up - I saw your smile. You stumbled over the crowd and took my hand. At that moment I was shocked. One, I had never held your hand, and two, your hand was ice cold - the complete opposite of what radiated behind your smile.
         Anyways, what I mean to say is that I just have this feeling that you are keeping something inside. I laugh at myself when remembering your palm in my hand. It was my window at midnight; cold, dark, and lonely. And I know that I am just a figment in your weekly routine, but I see the path you walk. Why walk alone? Why not let me walk with you till you fly back to your beautiful island?
         I received a text from you today. Today and on, I will sink inside myself and spin a web of armor to shield from what is to come: Our goodbye.
         As this letter comes to a close, I just want to say thank you. If only I could calm your restless spirit so I could officially say that your time with me was well spent. Your brush strokes across my heart paint a portrait of happiness. Can you see it? I would like you to have it when we say goodbye. It will finally be ready on the day of your leave. And another thing -- I don't want to start over with someone new. So take anything that's better for you. Take anything that's better from me. You were never a waste of time.
         During the final moments of our time together, I would like to feel the palm of your hand one last time to feel the difference from that night. And you will not cry at me like you sometimes do, because you will be crying with me.
         .... As I again recall the beginnings of our friendship, I can remember your smile as my guiding light. As time went on, your light became smaller and smaller until it was a mere flicker of my imagination. So please, before you leave, send me that smile again. Let it guide me to our happy place. As selfish as it sounds, smile for me; into me. And so, my precious light; this is the beginning of my goodbye.